The emotional pain of losing a loved one is a devastating experience that can leave us feeling lost and totally overwhelmed. There are so many decisions to be made and tasks that demand our attention.
One of these tasks is what to do with your deceased loved one’s clothing? These items can remind us of our loved one and trigger connections and memories. Dealing with their clothing can be an especially difficult task to work through. Cleaning out a loved one’s closet or chest of drawers ranks among life’s most stressful experiences, no matter how well you prepare for it.
Remember, there is no rush, tackle this emotionally difficult task only when you are ready, whether it’s several months or a year or two after your loss.Your grief journey is unique, so don’t allow others to judge you for the time (long or short) it takes before you are ready to face and deal with this unbearable task.
What do people typically do with the clothes?
Firstly, there is no right or wrong answer about what to do with the clothes. Ultimately it is up to you and what feels best for your situation.
Some people find comfort in holding on to the clothes for a certain period of time, or until a specific death anniversary when they feel the time is right to let them go. Other people choose to donate the clothes to charity. Some retain some specific items of clothing that may have sentimental value, or re purpose them into keepsake items.
It is a very personal decision so do whatever feels best for you. It may take time to deal with all the clothing and really there is no rush. Do whatever helps you through the difficult days and weeks of mourning and missing your loved one.
Reasons to keep your deceased loved one’s clothes
Many people find comfort in keeping some clothes and belongings of their departed loved one. These items can often be a reminder of the life they lived and the memories they shared together. Keeping some of these items can also be a way of honoring the memory of the deceased and can be a source of comfort during difficult times.
Some people may find comfort in wearing their loved one’s clothes. This can be a way of feeling connected to their memory and can often provide a sense of comfort and solace. Others may find comfort in displaying certain items in their home as a way of honoring their loved one’s memory.
Have a plan to make the task easier
Before you start, gather some boxes. To reduce some stress ( especially if you have grief fog brain), label some of the boxes “Donations,” others will be “Discard“, some will be “Keep” and perhaps some boxes could be “For Family“. There may be some items that a family member would appreciate if it holds a special memory for them.
You may want to have a close friend help with the clearing out process, or maybe you much prefer to work though challenging task in private, in your own time and at your own pace. Do what feels best for you. Doing it this way will help organise your items and make it much easier to part with the clothing later on. Perhaps a friend is happy to drop the “donations” at a charity for you.
It doesn’t all need to be done in one day, I remember taking several weeks to complete this process after I started it. Some days I could cope with handling the clothing and some days I would start, only to stop 5 minutes later. The emotions were just too overwhelming. Having a good night’s sleep the night before helps cope with the memories and emotional rollercoaster.
Re purposing items of clothing
There are many ways your deceased one’s clothing can be re purposed into valuable keepsakes, if this is an option that appeals to you.
* Cushions or pillows: Cushions can be crafted from shirts, dresses, ties, jeans, even t-shirts.
*Teddy bear patches: Sewing colorful patches on teddy bears or soft toys is a way to remember your loved one and keep them close. I was given a teddy bear with my late husbands name embroidered on to the bear and some patches sewn on from my favourite shirts he wore. It is a much loved keepsake that I absolutely treasure.
*Patchwork quilts: These can be made from almost any material. This is a wonderful way to feel close to your loved one on those difficult days. Snuggle up with the quilt and wrap yourself in the loving memories when you need some special pampering or a hug, or time to soak in the special memories of your loved one.
* Neckties: Ties can be re purposed into lots of things, skirts, blankets, shirts, tops, etc. Here are some other ideas for re purposing your loved one’s ties.
Conclusion
Grieving people can feel numb for weeks or months after the loss of a dearly loved one, and it is not the best time for making good decisions. It is wise to delay sorting the clothing during this time if there is no pressure to do so earlier, so that you are in a better frame of mind to make permanent decisions.
If we give them away impulsively, it can cause discomfort and regret later on because we wish we had kept them. Our deceased loved one’s clothing was a significant part of their lives, and can bring back fond memories. Take as much time as you need to tackle this task when you feel up to it, and go though the clothing bit by bit to ensure you make decisions and choices for the clothing that you will be happy with in the long term.
Loss leaves a a gap in our hearts that can never be filled. However, some treasured items of clothing, or re purposed valuable keepsakes will help you and your loved ones keep their memory close.
I would love to read your comments below about how your experiences dealing with your deceased loved one’s clothing.
If you would like some help, let’s share a 15 minute free chat where we can talk about where you’e at and how I can help. You can reach out to me here to book a time to chat, or get in touch by email here: ally@toughgrief.com
Till next time ❤️
Ally
