My heart aches, and I can’t pretend otherwise.
Sending love to anyone else navigating this raw space
Grief washes over me again today. Here’s what it feels like…
The tears keep rolling down my cheeks and won’t stop flowing. I write from a place of honesty as my emotions remind me that grief is a testament to those we love. The price we pay for loving another.
It is six years today since my adorable man was robbed of the rest of his life by a careless driver on the roads. And today the pain and the heartache is as raw and sorrowful as it was back then.
Every year at this time I relive the last horrendous 48 hours we had with him at the hospital. I vividly recall the endless hope we desperately tried to cling to as we sobbed and begged God to make him well again and send a miracle to heal his horrific and brutal injuries.
But the miracle never came…and the darkness of the night invaded and cast a heavy shadow on the daylight hours, as we watched a precious and much loved husband, father and grandfather slip away. The bitter sting of death leaving us all in agonising despair, and emotionally, spiritually and physically exhausted. Was this really happening?
Heartbreak, numbness, anger, abandonment, hopelessness and feeling alone…. .the rollercoaster of emotions was just beginning.
The journey of grief is the hardest journey of all it seems. If you are reading this, it is more than likely you are grieving and I am so sorry for your loss.
At this time of the year we are also facing the holidays and festive season. But for thousands of people around the globe, it is bitter sweet knowing there will be an empty seat at the Christmas table that can never be filled.
Similar to the hole in out heart that never fully heals. I remember recently talking to a young widow as she described the huge void in her chest that remains 10 years after her loss. Even years later now when she is happily remarried, the void that no one cancer fill remains. It is her precious wound. Many of us are well familiar with the tender gaping heart and void inside of us.
I came across some lovely words from Anne Lamott, an American novelist who describes this well:
“You will lose someone you can’t live without, and your heart will be badly broken, and the bad news is that you never completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this is also the good news. They live forever in your broken heart that doesn’t seal back up. And you come through. It’s like having a broken leg that never heals perfectly—that still hurts when the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the limp.”
– Anne Lamott
For each one of you who is grieving right now from the loss of a loved one or a significant loss of any sort, my heart goes out to you. It’s important to allow yourself to feel the emotions, lean it to them and let them wash over you. Even if the outside world does not understand, do the things that bring you comfort There is no shame in acknowledging your grief, and remember, where there is deep love there is deep grief.
I believe the reality is that we do not “get over” the loss of a loved one but we can “get through.” We continue to grieve for them because grief is the last act of love we have to give them. We may not “get over” the loss but we can learn to live with it.
As you continue on your journey, I hope one day you learn to dance with your broken heart thats holds the precious memories which are a testimony of your love and your loss. Know that I’m here to listen and support you at all times and you can get in touch with me here.
Much love
Ally
