Our grief does not end with the calendar year. That is why it is so important to allow your grief into the new year with you. It can be difficult to start again in the new year when you have lost someone you love – recently or a long time ago. When we are grieving, it is difficult enough to live each day as it comes, never mind facing the new year ahead of us. It can feel totally overwhelming to even contemplate a whole new year without our loved one.
Having experienced emptiness and loneliness in recent years, we may be reluctant to face the new year. It may seem too challenging and far to daunting.
As you watch your friends and loved ones continue to celebrate and make resolutions to embrace this new year, you may feel more alone than ever.
New Year’s simply looks different for those who are grieving. As you go through grief, there is a poignancy that comes with passing of time. Maybe you feel that there’s nothing but empty space and empty time. It’s bad enough to wake up in the morning not knowing what to do with the day; what will we do with a whole year?
Accept the new year
It is hard to accept the new year sometimes if we long to recover the past. The desire to recover the past can sometimes make us resist accepting the new year. Our past was where we felt safe and comfortable.
Grief burdens us today and we fear the coming year will be the same and won’t bring anything different. We pine for the past we shared and the person we miss. The way it was, and the way we wish it could be and to have it back again. We miss the person and we desperatley miss and the precious past we shared.
Carry your grief into the new year with you
The new year is an opportunity to take care of yourself and give yourself some self love. You don’t have to start a diet, exercise routine, or daily gratitude list. Nor do you have to embrace the traditional fresh start.
You should give yourself the proper time to grieve, regardless of whether this is your first year without your loved one or you’ve been without them for years. It is important to honour your feelings and give yourself the time you need to feel them and allow healing to flow through the pain . There will be other years when you can feel celebratory again.
But this year, be gentle with yourself.
So many of us are afraid to feel the emotions that come with loss. These feelings can be overwhelming, or they can make us feel like we are not functioning properly, but for now, that’s okay.
In the new year, take a deep breath and learn to embrace who you are now. You are not going to be in this space forever, but while you are, allow yourself to experience the pain. You won’t always feel the way you do right now. While you do, let yourself feel all the emotions that go along with grief.
When someone close to you dies, there is no doubt it changes who you are. Whether it is a friend, family member, spouse, or child, their absence will force a change in your soul. Most of us try to resist that change, thinking the answer to getting through the pain is to stay the same, to remain the person you were before the loss. We think that the best way to deal with the loss is to try to stay exactly the same, as we were before.
The opposite is the case.
The more we allow ourselves to let the loss shape us and change us, the more we will grow from the experience rather than fighting it. And the more we stop resisting something, the more we can give ourselves the chance to heal from it.
This year is all about letting go
This year is about letting go. Not of your loved one, but of your expectations of yourself. You may never get over your loved one, but you must let go of the notion that you can remain the same.
Let go of the self-judgement and know that whatever you’re feeling right now is a normal and natural part of the grief process. Once you get to a point where you’re feeling less pain and sadness, then you’ll find your new normal.
Until then, be kind, gentle and patient with yourself. One day at a time, allow your body and soul to heal.
If you are struggling this new year or have made the decision that you need some help, then I would love to help you. You can reach out to me here and we can have a confidential, free 15 minute chat about where you’re at and how I may be able to support. ❤️
Till next time, Ally
