Seven Of The Best Things To Say To People Who Are Grieving
Loss is an inevitable part of life. It is therefore likely that sooner or later, each of us will be required to show compassion and support for someone who has lost a loved one. But let’s face it: conversing with someone who is mourning can be awkward. It’s like the unseen elephant in the room that no one wants to mention.
What is there to say under such tragic circumstances?
A person in mourning can be comforted by expressing your sympathies, checking in on them, and sharing memories as they cope with their loss. However, there is no one “perfect” or “correct” thing to say. Often, the most helpful thing you can do is not what you say, but rather how you retain a supportive, non-judmental and reassuring presence.
I’ve compiled a list of appropriate comments (see the worst things to say here) to make following a death so you can be there for the people you care about during their time of sorrow.
"My favourite memory of ______is.....
A real fear grieving people have is that the person they loved will be forgotten. The person is gone from their presence and they’re afraid that the person will be erased from everyone’s thoughts. To a grieving person, to hear their deased one’s name spoken is like a balm to the soul. It may seem insignificant, but little things like sharing a precious memory of their loved one can have a significant impact. When we reminisce and talk about our favourite memories of their loved one, we keep their memories alive. This can provide solace and hope that their loved one’s memory will endure.
"I'm so sorry for your loss"
It’s important to acknowledge what has happened and extend sympathy to someone who is hurting. How you say it is almost as important as what you say. A soothing voice with an honest, genuine tone can go a long way towards conveying how much you care. Validate their loss and grief by saying something as simple as ” I heard about your (dad) and I’m so sorry” While you may feel like you want to take away their pain, we can’t “fix” grief because grief cannot be mended, or magically wiped away. Howver the loss and pain of grief typically lessens with time, support and understanding.
"I have no words but I can listen"
One of the best things you can do for a bereaved person is listen to them. They need someone to listen to them just as much as they need encouraging words. Connecting with someone else and entering their world means they don’t have to go through loss alone. Give them the space to express themselves, and allow them to remain silent as well. Listen to what they have to say without condemnation or judgement. Let them retell the same stories repeatedly as retelling the tale helps one process the death.
"I've been thinking about you"
Tell them you’ve been thinking about them. Knowing they are in your thoughts will help the grieving person to feel less alone and isolated. Keep in touch and be specific – ask specific questions regarding helping out……..
“If you feel up for going out to lunch next week, I’d love for us to do so. Would that be okay?”
This is much better than saying – “Call me if you need anything.”
"I'm here for you whenever and wherever you need me."
Simply being present is one of the most important things you can do for someone who is grieving. Your presence and support will help them cope with the pain and sadness they are experiencing. Your presence demonstrates your availability without requiring the griever to come up with a specific task for you to do. Your bereaved loved one is not interested in thinking about how you might support him. He needs to know that you are always there for him no matter what. It is up to the griever to decide what will benefit them the most at a given time; they may wish to cry, chat, sit in silence, or be diverted and take a break from their grief for a bit. Be there for them, and reassure them that it’s all okay.
" I’m sorry things are so rough right now - My heart hurts for you"
A friend or loved one can undoubtedly feel less alone in their loss if you let them know what they are going through really matters to you. This shows that you care a great deal, you are thinking abut them and you recognise how tough the situation is. Although you cannot erase their pain, expressing concernt by saying “”I’m sorry it’s so hard for you” or “I’m sorry things are so tough right now” can make someone feel heard and supported, and it let’s them know they are not alone in their struggle. Though you might not be able to improve their situation, just knowing that you genuinely care about them can help.
" It's OK not to be OK"
If your loved one is talking openly about their grief after someone dies, ” It’s ok to not be ok” is an excellent statement to use. He might be attempting to explain his actions or making a comment about how he can laugh out loud one second and cry uncontrollably the next. Helping him accept his own, individual grief process will reassure him that it’s ok to not be ok right now. Be receptive to their feelings if they do open up to you about their sadness. Let them know there is no “correct” way to grieve and that whatever they feel is fine.
